It is an interesting phenomenon how many people use to ask me if we were having a second child. I don’t mean friends in the course of conversations about life. No, I mean people I barely considered acquaintances. I always used to think to myself, what if we had been trying for the last four years and it just wasn’t happening for us? Wouldn’t that be such an uncomfortable answer? And if that were the case, what if I wasn’t sharing that so instead I had to make up some excuse for why we were putting it off. I know people don’t mean to be intrusive, but inquiring about family planning by nature ends up being intrusive. I can only imagine what people who just don’t want kids go through.

For us, having another child was wrapped in so much emotion. We don’t have the luxury of looking back on pregnancy with happy thoughts. The outcome was happy, but getting there? Not so much.

Now that I am 22 weeks into this second pregnancy, I find I’m still holding my breathe every doctors appointment I go to. 22 weeks is when we found out that Ben wasn’t growing. We didn’t yet know why, but we knew something was wrong. Tomorrow I go for an anatomy scan that will tell us if this baby is growing at the rate expected. We already had one at 18 weeks and everything looked normal but that doesn’t mean I won’t still be anxious until I hear the results.

As it seems the entire world now knows, the 2012 New York City Marathon has been canceled.

After living through what has been described as the largest hurricane hurricane ever to form in the Atlantic and most certainly the most devastating in my lifetime, I completely understand an agree with this decision. What I don’t understand is the timing.

Earlier in the week, while we were sitting in our house with no power or water and many friends were sitting in downtown manhattan in the same conditions, I couldn’t comprehend that this marathon would go on. But with every Bloomberg speech, it seemed as if nothing could stop it. I discussed it endlessly with fellow runners. I was shocked at how strongly some felt that their training was more important that those whose lives were affected (including mine!) by this storm. My office is downtown, thus closed for the week, so I also had an entire week of time to obsess. I guess that’s what happens when you have no television to watch!

With the insistence of Bloomberg and NYRR I felt I didn’t have much of a choice. If the race happened, I had to run. Even though actual training was only five months, the program that allowed me to run this year involved running nine races last year. So all told, this has been two years in the making for me. That is half of Bens life. Half of his life I am gone one weekend morning for training and races. I have missed soccer lessons and breakfast at the diner. Things I want to be at, things I didn’t want to miss. These past five months have involved long runs that take hours and hours. Again, none of this is more important that what has gone on this past week but just so you understand, it’s more than “just a race”. It was a life event for me, a bucket list accomplishment.

This week has been such an up and down. I wanted the race canceled from the beginning so we could all focus on what was important. But it wasn’t canceled, it wasn’t even left up in the air. It was definitely on. I have been trying to get into the right mindset. A marathon is mental more than physical in the end. Trying to figure out logistics as we still have no power. Telling people that were coming to cheer me on that because we has no place to house them with no power, not to come. I can’t imagine what it was like for runners flying in with the airports closed. Changing reservations to try and find a way here.

To run, you have to pick your number up in person. The expo takes place in Manhattan in the three days leading up to the race. Manhattan has been gridlocked with cars since the subways ad trains haven’t been running normally. They instituted check points that mandated three people in a car to get into manhattan. All runners not already in the city had to figure out how to do this, all the while trying not to feel guilty that we were clearly straining the city. Stories of evacuees being displaced from hotel rooms to accommodate runners started.

I went to the expo yesterday. It was amazing. Runners from all over the world there to run a race they had been promised would go on. People were so excited and I tried to feed off their energy. If we were do this I was going to take in the experience and be excited!

And then, 36 hours before the race, after people had already strained the roads going to the expo, added to the gas shortage, evacuees had been kicked out of their hotels rooms, THEN they canceled the race.

I used to be a huge NYRR supporter. I used to defend them when people said they were greedy and races cost too much and they didn’t care about local runners. I would say nobody is forcing you to run their races. I am just disappointed in both them and Bloomberg. The fact they even allowed this to be a controversy, allowed all these runners to fly here, allowed this to go on as long as it did, it all disappoints me. This race should have been canceled on Tuesday.

I’m sad I won’t run, but now wasn’t the right time. I’m not sure I will run next year, I am run down from training and don’t know if I want to devote another five months of my life to this. I’m looking forward to spending weekend mornings with Ben after quick 5 milers and just trying to put this whole week o stress behind me.

We have had a lot going on in the past few months, but I think we are finally starting to get the Ben school routine down.  Ben started his new school two weeks ago and I think that we are going to be much happier here.  His last school was chaotic and stressful even for me and I was there 5 minutes a day.  We are dealing with some aggressive behaviors, pushing, hitting ect but Ben has had a lot of change in his life over the past six months and I think some of that just comes with the changes. Ben is also smaller than most kids in his class and his teachers think on some level, that is they way he gets heard.  I’m still hoping we can channel that into less aggression but I know this will be a gradual process. For now though, I bring Ben to school in the mornings and Josh had been taking the afternoons.  I am lucky enough to work from home two days a week and that allows me to get Ben to his therapies at the local school on those days.  We are down to just an hour and a half of services a week which is remarkable. 

As summer eases into fall, I know this is when every starts to post first day of school pictures.  Since school for us is year round, we never took the picture so instead I’ll leave you with a picture of Ben and the first friend he made back in Massachusetts, Jake who we still try and see every time we are home.

So, for a super quick recap in how my life can go disastrously wrong in just a few short weeks:

1. My father decided to move back to Florida.  Unexpectedly. With no warning.  Like, I’m moving!-and one short hour later he was gone.  Fabulous.  Oh, and he isn’t speaking to us anymore.  Why?  Nobody is clear on that one…

2. I now have a very empty, very expensive renovated basement apartment if anybody is the market in Stamford CT.  Yes, the basement renovation is complete!  Unfortunately, that means we paid for the basement renovation…that we now do not need.

3. I do not have a very empty dining room.  Nope, I have the contents of someones entire studio apartment (not mine!) including couches, dressers, desks ect in my dining room.  The neighbors asked if we had moved in yet because in their snooping through the windows, it appears we have a million boxes.  Which we do.

4.  I got into a car accident.  We are all fine!  But the car definitely needs a new bumper.  And the best part?  It was a hit and run.  So we will have to pay our deductible in order to get that new bumper.  Did I mention we just finished construction on our VERY EXPENSIVE BASEMENT?

5.  We have termites!!  Or at least we think we do.  We found 300 of them swarming our boiler.  Maybe they are just flying ants?  Oh the joys of home ownership.  We have 3 people coming out to give me their professional opinions ASAP.

I am super excited to see what fun this week brings!

We are all battling the flu in the house. Josh took his first sick day in maybe…ever? He is a big believer in powering through. The last time Josh & I were this sick was pre-Ben when we were living in Boston right after we had both started the South Beach Diet. Apparently carbs also help you overcome the flu because without them, it lasted two weeks. The only highlight of that illness was it became the skinniest either of us had been in YEARS. Let’s just say it is still our bench mark.

Unfortunately, we will not re-achieve that low this time around which really just makes this flu a waste.

In my lying on the couch contemplating death time I’ve had, I have been able to organize the house stuff a bit.

Things accomplished in the past month of weekend warrior home ownership (we don’t actually move in until March):
-new mailbox installed
-keypad code changed on garage door (old owners didn’t bother to pass along the old code- thanks)
-installed all new locks on doors including door that was locked with no key!
-exterminator gives all clear on mice
-got our first oil delivery ($700 later-ugh)
-painted bens room
-painted all closets
-painted guest bathroom
-installed three (3!!?!) Elfa closets including one walk-in that should count as three by itself
-picked paint for master bath and two other bedrooms
-survived a snow storm with no snowblower
-put together one ikea bedside table and about 10 lamps
-picked a living room rug
-picked a contractor!!

Things we still need to do in the next month:
-pick final bedroom paint color
-paint 3 bedrooms and a bathroom
-move the rest of our boxes/furniture
-buy a snowblower
-order cabinets for in-law suite
-install towel bars in all bathrooms
-change hardware in master bathroom

Things we realized we can’t do and need to hire someone:
-install light in the foyer
-install new fan in guest bath

Soooo. I think it’s coming along. The painting may kill me though I’d this flu doesn’t.